Farmer Brown!

Glad greetings to you all! Sorry for the long delay, but life on a rural New Zealand farm is very time consuming.  Ok, I'll admit it: I've been slacking during my free time and reading up a storm. This family has a rock star library so I had to take advantage of it.  I traded a REALLY good book a couple of weeks back for a really crap book that I thought was going to be amazing. It was almost torture having to finish it.  Does that ever happen?  You start a book, so full of promise...and then you feel like Dr. Phil just walked in the room and you want to seriously punch him in the face?  Yep.  That was this book.  It's ok though-I read ANOTHER terrible book, but this book was so terrible that it was funny.  I don't honestly know how it got published! Look for it on the super-bargain table at Cashwise:  Bali Moon. :)

On to important things, like my fake farmer lifestyle!  I have had some totally amazing things go on.  First, I got to go on four-wheeler/quad/motorbike and help muster sheep.  What this means is that I sat on the back while Stacey (who runs the farm) drove like a maniac up and down hills shouting at her dogs.  I have the bruise the size of Mt. Everest on the back of my leg.  There are actually two stripes and then a giant mass of ugly.  It's so amazing.  It's the best bruise I have ever seen.  It's so good I might take a picture and post it here.  Well, maybe.  No one needs to see my thigh, really, and would that be somehow scandalous?  Hmmm.  I'll consider it.

I was hoping to get a crack at shearing.  I actually will get a crack at shearing (that's right folks-me, of the pink platform wedges and skirts in bad weather will be shearing a sheep) tomorrow, so let me re-phrase:  I was hoping to get a crack at shearing with the two ridiculously well-muscled fellows who were here shearing the 1000+ sheep roaming around this place.  One was married and the other was named Trident.  Like Poseidon's weapon, not the gum-it's not sold here.  Sigh.  Oh, sorry, back on focus!  I'll get to learn how to shear sheep tomorrow.  Today I helped Stacey put bands on lamb tails and notch their ears; I handed her tools and re-loaded her rubber band gun.  She did all of the actual work.  What a miserable job.  All I wanted to do was cuddle with this really cute little lamb, but instead I got covered in poo.  I was so dirty when I was finished that I had to shave my legs to remove the grime from them.  I washed them, I scrubbed them, then I shaved them...and dirt was still coming off! :(  So I had to shave twice.  I'm slightly razor-burned but clean.  Hey-razor burn is better than sheep poo, right?

I've been looking after a wee one named Anya.  We get on famously because I do important things like roll down hills let her dance on my feet. I also pull her around the grass on her sled and teach her how to say "woooooooooooooooooooooooooo" with a funny face. She's not quite two. You can understand how we're practically the same.

The family here is really amazing, anyway.  I've been treated so warmly and have been welcomed like I've known them my whole life.  I'm leaving next Wednesday, but it's good or I probably would NEVER get to the South Island.  I'd never want to leave!  There's a lot of coffee, lots of books, beautiful views, nice family, fun kiddo...sweet mother of pearl!  I better stop thinking about it and start plotting my camping trip up Mt. Doom (Tongariro Crossing, Round 2).

There are tales of Dog Trials, but that's another post.  Now you can all look forward to creeper Moustache man, and I don't mean the one I was madly for at work!